How to use the bathroom

You'd think the title of this post is silly, but seriously. There are people in this world, aged beyond middle school, who have as of yet to fully grasp the mechanics of the bathroom (although, if they're struggling with it during or past middle school, I'd say a serious inquisition is in order). I am amazed at the amount of times I've walked into a public bathroom, especially at an academic institution, and found an impression piece of crapulence and toilet paper, festooning the depository, waiting for some poor sap to come clean it up. Its kind of a sad state of affairs: people who really should know better by now are making this horrible mess for people who presumably never got that level of education and have to be content with this line of work to clean it.

At any rate what the hell, people?! Is it really that hard to hit "flush" a couple of times? Unless you're concerned with saving water, so I guess its some form of cockamamie logic you're using to simply pollute your immediate environment rather than actually dispose of your waste properly. Cats can do it. Are you saying you're dumber than a cat? Don't answer that.

I know Alexander the Great probably looked back at the breadth of his domain and wept that he had no more worlds to conquer, but a) you're not Alexander and b) its worth looking back for 10 seconds to examine the bowl your ass just conquered, not so much to make you weep, but to keep the rest of us from doing so. If it isn't working properly and you were unable to flush properly, thats understandable. Nothing much to do there. But I've had several experiences where the only stall available is one with a horrible little gift waiting for me inside and had no choice but to extend a covered finger to hit the small - so small! - flush switch, and voila! The waters, they flow. So what was the previous person's excuse? Are they leaving a feculent Hansel and Gretel trail so that they can trace public bathrooms leading the way home? If so, I shudder to think about the vile hovel that brown trail would lead to. I imagine an overflowing chasm of poop, with a tiny roof on top, and a man sitting on the chimney pantsless, with a shotgun pointed square at passing motorists and teens. In this housing market, I guess you have to hold on to what you can.